The Weight of Days

The age of the gentleman is dead. I am a time traveler.

I texted this to my wife, soon after she had mentioned someone hitting on her while she was shopping. It took me off guard, I guess. My wife is a beautiful woman and I certainly understand why men are attracted to her, for the very same reasons that I am. So that she gets hit on came as no shock to me.

However, we had just gotten married some two weeks before and, I guess at some level, I assumed that being married would be a deterrent to most men. The ring, to me, would have been a giant stop sign to most men. A big "TAKEN" sign to those that are looking for some attention. Maybe that is ridiculous, but it was how I felt.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that the reason I expected men to stop hitting on my wife is because that ring would have stopped me. I can remember specifically talking to a woman, finding her attractive, then noticing the ring on her finger. I may have continued the conversation, but I certainly shifted the destination.

My guess is, that during my early years, I watched my parents, happily married to this day, and knew that they were going to be married forever. I never doubted this fact, and even now I can't think of a time that the marriage was anywhere near to being "on the rocks". Oddly enough, my own first marriage was a disaster. It ended just barely after its first birthday, and happily I might add. It was a hellish ride for both of us, and the sooner we reached the end the better. So why, as a man that failed horribly at my first marriage, do I still assume that women who are married are going to remain that way?

To continue the paradoxical way of thinking, I even participated in an affair after my divorce. She had been married for over five years, but had been separated for just under a year. Granted I had known her for many years before, but for someone who so highly extols marriage, doesn't that seem a little odd?

In the end, I think that I am a hypocrite. I aim for a lofty goal: respect marriage and those who are within them. Often I have failed in this goal. Yet I want all men to achieve where I have not. I must be the first to drop the rock destined for the one at fault.

Posted by WDV at 8:56 PM | Permalink | Comments

Liviu Librescu, an Israeli lecturer and Holocaust survivor , died in the massacre at Virginia Tech while saving the lives of several students by blocking the doorway of his classroom from the approaching gunman before he was fatally shot.

I am rarely moved to tears by the news, probably because of the overkill nature of the media. But this story caught my eye.

Posted by WDV at 6:51 AM | Permalink | Comments

I know, that at times, this blog becomes what's going on in my life, rather than a commentary on anything and everything in the world. I feel this desire at the moment to go into a drawn out discussion of author vs. speaker (English class bullshit), but I will restrain myself. Yet, no matter how much the author attempts to restrain himself from discussing that which matters to him or, probably more obviously, whatever he happens to be thinking about at the moment, the pattern of thought that allows him to write is easily twisted by the buffeting winds of the present (for the author). Jesus, that last sentence was a doozy. My freshman comp. teacher would be kicking the shit out of me if she that one.

So after that rather short discussion of thought and writing, I choose to bring up a subject that is near and dear to myself and my wallet. Tipping.

When I was a kid, I used to watch my dad and mom discuss the science of tipping after each meal eaten out. For the most part, it was a discussion of how much over 15% they were going to give to the server. My parents were, and still are, good tippers. They understand the importance of their role in the server's check at the end of the week. They are the exception.

It seems that people have forgotten the dynamic between themselves and the people that fetch their drinks and food. This is not the 1700's and servers are not SERVANTS. While you may think that your meal was undercooked, overpriced, too small, too bland, etc., the waiter is still dependant on your generosity to him or her. The punishment that you heap on their heads is usually unearned and unwarranted. Taking your shit isn't worth 2.15 an hour.

Listed below are three tricks people play to reduce the tip they feel they are required to give. All observed first-hand in the day to day at a local Italian restaurant.


Trick #3. Ignorance is Bliss.

Obviously at the beginning of the meal, there is a large amount of interaction between customer and waiter. After the order is placed, drinks poured, and food served, the extent of communication between the two parties is up to the customer. Obviously at the beginning of the meal, there is a large amount of interaction between customer and waiter. After the order is placed, drinks poured, and food served, the extent of communication between the two parties is up to the customer. The waiter cannot sit down at the table and ask how the lasagna was and did the customer like the Italian music piped into the restaurant. By having a healthy amount of conversation with the waiter, an expectation of a large tip may develop. To counter this, the customer increasingly ignores the waiter. Eye contact is dodged. Drink refills are waived off. The check is called for with a simple hand gesture. And 2 dollars are left for the waiter to grimace over while he busses the table.

Trick #2. You can pick your friends, You can pick your nose, but...

It's perfectly understandable to expect quality for a reasonable price. However, being picky over everything that is set on your table is going overboard. At different tables over my career (if you can call it that) I have heard people complain about : the lighting, the heat of the food, the coldness of the food, the hotness or coldness of the room, the music, the waiting, the lack or abundance of ice in the their drink, the weather (kidding), the floor, their table, their chair, the bathroom's cleanliness or lack of paper, the price of the bill, an unexplained charge, etc. If something can be proven to be lacking in their dining experience, I assume these people can justify fucking their server in the ass.

Trick #1. Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!

This trick applies to gratuity tables only. In most restaurants, tables with more than 6 visitors receive a 15% charge on their check. This is done to insure that the waiter gets at least the minimum amount for working that table. However, that gratuity is usually optional. The waiter, if he or she is dumb enough, can waive the 15% in hopes of landing a better tip for the work they do. Almost ALWAYS a mistake. The trick, as played on me recently, is the promise that if everything is well done and the table is kept happy, I will be justly rewarded. It takes balls to tell a waiter to lay off the 15%. It takes tremendous balls to then give him less than 10.

All three of these are underhanded and disturb the hell out of me. I was raised to think of people as being naturally generous with servers. The job stinks, at least let them get a decent reward for their services. Instead people invent new ways every day to reduce the amount they are expected to tip. Yes, this is a rant about bad tippers, but I also think it is a commentary on our "me-first" culture. We have grown accustomed to servers doing the work that we once did ourselves, yet we feel that the work they do does not warrant any special reward. Tipping is important, just ask your waitress.

Posted by WDV at 1:15 PM | Permalink | Comments

After some time away from the computer, (well, let's be honest. It was a lack of internet connection more than a lack of proximity to a computer.) the love of my life has supplied me with the means to return to my old ways of blogging, youtubing, and porning. All is well in the household I call home.

I have many thoughts on life, love, exisentialism, and pretty much everything else. I plan on renewing my dedication to writing and discussing these thoughts in the upcoming months. Looking forward to bugging my friends, passing readers, and, no doubt, my ex wife.

an_existentialist

Posted by WDV at 8:54 PM | Permalink | Comments