A Thought on Marriage and Fidelity.
The age of the gentleman is dead. I am a time traveler.
I texted this to my wife, soon after she had mentioned someone hitting on her while she was shopping. It took me off guard, I guess. My wife is a beautiful woman and I certainly understand why men are attracted to her, for the very same reasons that I am. So that she gets hit on came as no shock to me.
However, we had just gotten married some two weeks before and, I guess at some level, I assumed that being married would be a deterrent to most men. The ring, to me, would have been a giant stop sign to most men. A big "TAKEN" sign to those that are looking for some attention. Maybe that is ridiculous, but it was how I felt.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that the reason I expected men to stop hitting on my wife is because that ring would have stopped me. I can remember specifically talking to a woman, finding her attractive, then noticing the ring on her finger. I may have continued the conversation, but I certainly shifted the destination.
My guess is, that during my early years, I watched my parents, happily married to this day, and knew that they were going to be married forever. I never doubted this fact, and even now I can't think of a time that the marriage was anywhere near to being "on the rocks". Oddly enough, my own first marriage was a disaster. It ended just barely after its first birthday, and happily I might add. It was a hellish ride for both of us, and the sooner we reached the end the better. So why, as a man that failed horribly at my first marriage, do I still assume that women who are married are going to remain that way?
To continue the paradoxical way of thinking, I even participated in an affair after my divorce. She had been married for over five years, but had been separated for just under a year. Granted I had known her for many years before, but for someone who so highly extols marriage, doesn't that seem a little odd?
In the end, I think that I am a hypocrite. I aim for a lofty goal: respect marriage and those who are within them. Often I have failed in this goal. Yet I want all men to achieve where I have not. I must be the first to drop the rock destined for the one at fault.
I texted this to my wife, soon after she had mentioned someone hitting on her while she was shopping. It took me off guard, I guess. My wife is a beautiful woman and I certainly understand why men are attracted to her, for the very same reasons that I am. So that she gets hit on came as no shock to me.
However, we had just gotten married some two weeks before and, I guess at some level, I assumed that being married would be a deterrent to most men. The ring, to me, would have been a giant stop sign to most men. A big "TAKEN" sign to those that are looking for some attention. Maybe that is ridiculous, but it was how I felt.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that the reason I expected men to stop hitting on my wife is because that ring would have stopped me. I can remember specifically talking to a woman, finding her attractive, then noticing the ring on her finger. I may have continued the conversation, but I certainly shifted the destination.
My guess is, that during my early years, I watched my parents, happily married to this day, and knew that they were going to be married forever. I never doubted this fact, and even now I can't think of a time that the marriage was anywhere near to being "on the rocks". Oddly enough, my own first marriage was a disaster. It ended just barely after its first birthday, and happily I might add. It was a hellish ride for both of us, and the sooner we reached the end the better. So why, as a man that failed horribly at my first marriage, do I still assume that women who are married are going to remain that way?
To continue the paradoxical way of thinking, I even participated in an affair after my divorce. She had been married for over five years, but had been separated for just under a year. Granted I had known her for many years before, but for someone who so highly extols marriage, doesn't that seem a little odd?
In the end, I think that I am a hypocrite. I aim for a lofty goal: respect marriage and those who are within them. Often I have failed in this goal. Yet I want all men to achieve where I have not. I must be the first to drop the rock destined for the one at fault.
Since marriage isn't really an option here in the U.S. for someone like me, I guess I'll just quickly respond to the fidelity half:
You do your best and that's all the other person can hope for.
Posted by
emilie |
3:36 PM
It's possible that not immediatly everyone looks for wedding ring when talking to someone. Before getting married, I know that I would never, ever, EVER check to see if a girl was wearing a ring before talking to / annoying her.
Posted by
rwmonty |
8:50 AM