86 Greivances
Spent 17 years
chasing my father's dream,
a preacher man,
brother love.
Sweated beneath stacks:
Bibles, guides, studies.
Guilt, fear, control.
Learned things I'd always known:
The Fall.
My sin.
The fix
is in.
Woke up to a suit and tie,
polyester at that,
fingers pointed:
at the door,
at my face,
the jig was up,
my eyes were open.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
My first love
draped over my arm,
dark-theater movie watching.
"It's over."
Into the field outside,
my cries and tears
the world's to mock,
I charged.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
That first semester of college,
a man of faith
reduced to
the token Christian,
I sat in fear,
each class
a challenge.
Bit by bit,
chipping away at my Cornerstone,
my foundation,
my hope,
faith.
A battlefield each classroom.
A warzone-worth of carnage.
Capitulation of all
but a mustard seed.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
He lay in that bed,
cold as the bite of frost
first dawn of winter,
my brother for 19 years.
His face contorted,
legs kicking,
voice muttering dark, deathly words.
A movie in my mind
the memories:
the bullying childhood,
the last fight,
the best friend role to soon fill.
"David,
David,
why do you kick against the pricks?"
His life,
steadily beeping away on that machine
until the batteries ran out.
And so
he faded away,
fog on a rapidly-warming March morning.
Boiling away in his own sauce,
a stew not quite finished
but bowled, plated and served regardless.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
A marriage,
a solemn, time-tested vow,
an exchange of rings.
I saved myself until that day.
Readiness and excitement
emptied into disappointment
until the river went dry
and the lake became stagnant.
The storm clouds
crowded into the landscape,
but no rain fell
and love died.
Twisted, mangled wreck
of what have might have been,
now a paper
with two names
and a judge's seal.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Too many differences,
too many questions,
but, gladiator-like,
I charged martyrdom-destined.
We built on what we had,
a life raft in a world of ocean.
A baptism.
A family rift.
A confession.
A tear-stained end.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Fighting alone.
5 days of night.
2 of peace.
5 days of night.
Bed-ridden,
fearful of Death's whisper,
the creaking floor boards,
my brother's fate.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
A vision given.
A calling received.
A lifetime of service
shortened to 3 years.
Lonely, solo,
year 3.
Clinging to ledges,
my thoughts and opinions
too heavy for the dirt,
falling.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Crushing my fears
this woman,
a friend,
but desire for much more.
8 years of waiting
for the ring,
and that night it came.
Into 4 days: a lifetime of desire poured.
A waterfall.
A dam break.
A river unchecked
filling time-cracks and crannies,
rushing rushing rushing
into the rocks.
A choice made,
a chemical dependent returned,
a 5 state trip,
too many sobbing rings.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
There is nothing new
under the sun.
Just reruns
shown so often
that we know the lines
by heart.
Chicken Little,
I am.
"The sky is falling!"
"The sky is falling!"
But it crushes us,
just and unjust
alike.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
-wdv
August 7-9
Job 1:21
Matthew 5:45
chasing my father's dream,
a preacher man,
brother love.
Sweated beneath stacks:
Bibles, guides, studies.
Guilt, fear, control.
Learned things I'd always known:
The Fall.
My sin.
The fix
is in.
Woke up to a suit and tie,
polyester at that,
fingers pointed:
at the door,
at my face,
the jig was up,
my eyes were open.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
My first love
draped over my arm,
dark-theater movie watching.
"It's over."
Into the field outside,
my cries and tears
the world's to mock,
I charged.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
That first semester of college,
a man of faith
reduced to
the token Christian,
I sat in fear,
each class
a challenge.
Bit by bit,
chipping away at my Cornerstone,
my foundation,
my hope,
faith.
A battlefield each classroom.
A warzone-worth of carnage.
Capitulation of all
but a mustard seed.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
He lay in that bed,
cold as the bite of frost
first dawn of winter,
my brother for 19 years.
His face contorted,
legs kicking,
voice muttering dark, deathly words.
A movie in my mind
the memories:
the bullying childhood,
the last fight,
the best friend role to soon fill.
"David,
David,
why do you kick against the pricks?"
His life,
steadily beeping away on that machine
until the batteries ran out.
And so
he faded away,
fog on a rapidly-warming March morning.
Boiling away in his own sauce,
a stew not quite finished
but bowled, plated and served regardless.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
A marriage,
a solemn, time-tested vow,
an exchange of rings.
I saved myself until that day.
Readiness and excitement
emptied into disappointment
until the river went dry
and the lake became stagnant.
The storm clouds
crowded into the landscape,
but no rain fell
and love died.
Twisted, mangled wreck
of what have might have been,
now a paper
with two names
and a judge's seal.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Too many differences,
too many questions,
but, gladiator-like,
I charged martyrdom-destined.
We built on what we had,
a life raft in a world of ocean.
A baptism.
A family rift.
A confession.
A tear-stained end.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Fighting alone.
5 days of night.
2 of peace.
5 days of night.
Bed-ridden,
fearful of Death's whisper,
the creaking floor boards,
my brother's fate.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
A vision given.
A calling received.
A lifetime of service
shortened to 3 years.
Lonely, solo,
year 3.
Clinging to ledges,
my thoughts and opinions
too heavy for the dirt,
falling.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Crushing my fears
this woman,
a friend,
but desire for much more.
8 years of waiting
for the ring,
and that night it came.
Into 4 days: a lifetime of desire poured.
A waterfall.
A dam break.
A river unchecked
filling time-cracks and crannies,
rushing rushing rushing
into the rocks.
A choice made,
a chemical dependent returned,
a 5 state trip,
too many sobbing rings.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
There is nothing new
under the sun.
Just reruns
shown so often
that we know the lines
by heart.
Chicken Little,
I am.
"The sky is falling!"
"The sky is falling!"
But it crushes us,
just and unjust
alike.
The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
-wdv
August 7-9
Job 1:21
Matthew 5:45
You've read this to me many times before,it was beautiful then but it seems epic now. Keep rushing toward the water.
Posted by
Sissy/Angela |
9:53 AM
the water is near and deep.
Posted by
WDV |
2:56 PM