My apron will be tossedwilly-nilly,strings dancing,across the counter.My ticket bookwill join it,mid-flight,holding handspreparing for a rough landing.My shirt tailwill fly from my belt's grasp,my stomachmay make an appearance.The door will be pushedand opened.And I,I,will fly free.-wdvAugust 20, 2007
Pen to Paper1. Radiohead - "Karma Police"2. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - "Emily Jean Stock"3. Pedro the Lion - "Bad Things to Such Good People"4. The Arcade Fire - "Intervention"5. Cat Power - "Cross Bones Style"6. Beck - "O Maria"7. Tom Waits - "Soldier's Things"8. Starflyer 59 - "Can you Play Drums?"9. Smog - "Say Valley Maker"10. Magnetic Fields - "I Don't Believe in the Sun"11. The Mountain Goats - "See America Right"12. Creedance Clearwater Revival - "Long as I can see the Light"13. Modest Mouse - "Bukowski"
Spent 17 yearschasing my father's dream,a preacher man,brother love.Sweated beneath stacks:Bibles, guides, studies.Guilt, fear, control.Learned things I'd always known:The Fall.My sin.The fixis in.Woke up to a suit and tie,polyester at that,fingers pointed:at the door,at my face,the jig was up,my eyes were open.The Lord giveth,The Lord taketh away,Blessed be the name of the Lord.My first lovedraped over my arm,dark-theater movie watching."It's over."Into the field outside,my cries and tearsthe world's to mock,I charged.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.That first semester of college, a man of faith reduced to the token Christian, I sat in fear, each class a challenge. Bit by bit, chipping away at my Cornerstone, my foundation, my hope, faith. A battlefield each classroom. A warzone-worth of carnage. Capitulation of all but a mustard seed. The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.He lay in that bed,cold as the bite of frostfirst dawn of winter,my brother for 19 years.His face contorted,legs kicking,voice muttering dark, deathly words.A movie in my mindthe memories:the bullying childhood,the last fight,the best friend role to soon fill."David,David,why do you kick against the pricks?"His life, steadily beeping away on that machine until the batteries ran out.And sohe faded away,fog on a rapidly-warming March morning.Boiling away in his own sauce,a stew not quite finishedbut bowled, plated and served regardless.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.A marriage,a solemn, time-tested vow,an exchange of rings.I saved myself until that day.Readiness and excitementemptied into disappointmentuntil the river went dryand the lake became stagnant.The storm cloudscrowded into the landscape,but no rain felland love died.Twisted, mangled wreckof what have might have been,now a paperwith two namesand a judge's seal.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.Too many differences,too many questions,but, gladiator-like,I charged martyrdom-destined.We built on what we had,a life raft in a world of ocean.A baptism.A family rift.A confession.A tear-stained end.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.Fighting alone.5 days of night.2 of peace.5 days of night.Bed-ridden,fearful of Death's whisper,the creaking floor boards,my brother's fate.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.A vision given.A calling received.A lifetime of serviceshortened to 3 years.Lonely, solo,year 3.Clinging to ledges,my thoughts and opinionstoo heavy for the dirt,falling.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Crushing my fearsthis woman,a friend,but desire for much more.8 years of waitingfor the ring,and that night it came.Into 4 days: a lifetime of desire poured.A waterfall.A dam break.A river uncheckedfilling time-cracks and crannies,rushing rushing rushinginto the rocks.A choice made,a chemical dependent returned,a 5 state trip,too many sobbing rings.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.There is nothing newunder the sun.Just rerunsshown so oftenthat we know the linesby heart.Chicken Little,I am."The sky is falling!""The sky is falling!"But it crushes us,just and unjustalike.The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.-wdvAugust 7-9Job 1:21Matthew 5:45
Happy birthday to me,for my love was bornthis day,26 years ago.She lept into the world,feet pumping,heart churning,sails full,
destined for my arms.It was no easy trip,nor quick.No smooth sailing,but storms,on all sides,assailed.Her ship tossed,her sails tattered,the journey to her port of safety,paved through squalls,rogue waves beset.But,as all sailors do,she ignored the weather,sealed her leaks,and sailed on.Ports visited,each one tested,but not home.Ports exited,flags flown high,headed home.A ship christened26 years before,now safely docked,the search for home now complete,a journey of discovery just begun.-wdvAugust 11, 2007
